Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Silly Me...

I read my last post and laughed. 
The hope I always hold month after month..
Ohhhh Ahhh EWCM this will be the month!
So stupid. 
I'm in a weird place right now. 
I'm in limbo, 
I was set and ready to start IVF in March
I have talked with the Nurses and the plan is a go. 
But now I'm second guessing my choices. 
I hate this office. 
I just took a minute to read back 
through my blog and turns out I've hated them 
since 2012...Its 2015...
what the hell is wrong with me?
Why have I stuck around so long?
I know why. It's because I'm fearful 
of starting over with a new RE.. 
I HATE going to new doctors..
I HATE going over every shitty situation that has 
occurred in the last 5 year...
I just don't want to do it. 
But on the other hand. I want a baby. 
I want to make my husband a father 
and my parents and in laws grandparents...
I tell myself it comes down to how 
bad do you want it. 

I posted a long post on my TTC_Babywarrick IG account
you are welcome to read... 
But to sum it up. 
I am going to see my OB on moday..
I trust him, 
I am comfortable with him. 
and after my last miscarriage he promised to 
help me in any way he could. 
I value his opinion..
and in my opinion he helped me get pregnant 
this last time..after 6 short months of seeing him...
Dr. B on the other hand...
3 years...a million ultrasounds,
3 IUI's injections and so on 
and nothing...not one single BFP..
That has to speak volumes..
and now im ready to listen.
I will update after my appointment Monday 
if there is anyone out there that still reads this..
and you're the praying type send one up for us.. 

Wednesday, January 7, 2015


Repeat Randy...
Hey guess what?! 
I'm in the 2ww again! for the 2359072 time! -_-
So December's round of clomid didn't pan out..
I think part of it is my fault since I screwed up the days..
but no ovulation occurred and my period showed up 
on time, the only positive in this case. 
So last week I started getting awful pains 
in my right side, a clear sign of O'ing for me
then the EWCM showed two days 
later I got a super dark OPK 
that showed in like 30 seconds. 
seriously fasted shit I've ever seen.. 
*Because I am no rookie 
I started the BD process the moment 
I felt the cramping :) 
I'm thinking we should have all our bases covered. 
Maybe we will just throw in one more night for fun haha!

Also I started a new IG account
click the pic for the link.. 
my user name is 
Original right? 
Yes there are pictures of my cats..
Don't judge me their the only
thing I can mother right now
So I have a question about this pineapple saga 
that seems to be taking the TTC world by the balls.
Okay, I've been on this roller coaster far too long, 
I've googled the shit out of some shit...
But does the pineapple thing really work?
Like is this something I should have been 
trying for the past 4+ years?
I would really hate to one day 
tell my story with an ending that goes something like
"So I ate a pineapple core and 9 months later out popped little Johnny"
(*Not that I would ever name my baby Johnny)
Seriously though..when do you really eat it?
some say after ovulation..as in after your positive opk or
like 2 days later after the egg drops? 
I'm so confused and now I'm craving pineapple.. Damit

Feed me your thoughts...

Monday, December 29, 2014

Last week in Pictures :)

His smile. 

Our Nieces with Santa :)

Teaching the girls how to "selfie"

These girls! Melt my heart!

Selfie :)

Santa and Harper


My soul mate. 

I choose you.

Twinning with Momma :)

Where's Santa?

Christmas Morning using my new selfie stick!

Christmas morning still a family of 2..Maybe next year. 

Where is the Magic?

My Aunt said something to me a week ago that 
I will never forget
I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. 
she said 
"Nothing seems Magical when you grow up" 
It's kind of true. 
The magic of Christmas as a kid was 
well, magic! 
It was the most wonderful time 
of the year for many reasons. 
It still is. But the magic is gone. 
I believe that when we have children 
we will see the magic of the holidays through
there eyes, but for now it's just another holiday. 
(Although I will say my parents do an 
awesome job at playing Santa and spoiling 
the shit out of Scott and I :) )

Our last cycle failed. 
I'm not surprised. 
I messed up my clomid and I don't 
think I even ovulated. 
My opk was positive but I had 
no other symptoms. 

I feel a little lost in the journey right now. 
There are many options. 
I know that. 
But not one that I can put all of my 
faith, hope and trust into. 
IVF was on the table 
and then we got pregnant. 
and then we lost the baby and I was reminded 
how quickly things can change.
I can't help but shake the feeling that 
IVF will work, but I won't be able to keep 
the pregnancy.
and why waste all that time, effort, 
emotion and money into something that isn't 
100% guaranteed. 
Then there's surrogacy. 
again not 100% that any of it will work. 
 More time, way more emotion, and a lot more money. 
with no guarantee of a healthy breathing baby
 at the end of it all. 
Then we have adoption. 
We have actually been talking a lot more about 
adoption lately. 
but it still makes me uneasy. 
There are so many what if's 
so many unknowns.
A lot of questioning myself.
In the end all the wishing 
and hoping and praying to just 
have a natural cycle and a normal pregnancy 
isn't going to just magically appear. 
I know I have to do something. 
I just don't know when, or what or how. 
I think when I know I will know. 
So for now this is where we are, 
still discussing our options. 
Still battling our fears. 
Still praying. 

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The Hacking Nutcracker

Over the weekend us grand daughters and Aunts 
took my Oma to see the Nutcracker! 
It's a Christmas time tradition. 
Every year when we were little 
my Opa would take us grand kids to the 
Nutcracker Ballet in Cincinnati. 
It was one of the best parts of Christmas time. 
Everything was so magical. 
This year I noticed 
that when you get older things get less magical. 
until you have a child, and can then see 
the magic through their eyes. 
I really can't wait for that!

So I figured I needed to write out a few 
statements on common curtsy when 
attending a Ballet

1. If you are sick... Please stay home. 
Sell your ticket on ebay, gift it to a friend, hell give it to 
the lady working the drive thru line at McDonald's for all I 
care just please don't come to an arena filled with 
3000 plus people and spread your germs!!!

2. If you are sick with a hacking cough
 and you do decide to 
drag yourself into public,
pack a bag of cough drops for petes sake!

3. If you are 30 minutes into the show 
and you realize that you can't go 5 minutes 
with out hacking all over the person in front of you
kindly excuse yourself to the lobby. 

4. Why do we have to clap every time 
Mr. Ballerina lifts Mrs. Ballerina in the air. 
She clearly weights maybe 90lbs 
and he clearly has the muscle of an ox. 
You are ruining the end of the music with 
your loud clapping. Just wait until the end 
of the song! 

5.  To the person who always has to have 
the last clap. 
You're annoying. 

Over all it was a beautiful performance.
I sanitized my hands about 235097 times. 
and made sure to chug some orange juice 
as soon as I got home. 

Next year I'm wearing a mask. 

Friday, December 19, 2014


Cycle 12...
Merry Freakin Christmas 

Tuesday, December 16, 2014


I just ate about 12 pickles...
I'm a little sick to my stomach right now
But their like pringles! once you pop you can't stop!