Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Two Years...

How can it be?
Has it really been two whole years since we 
said goodbye?
My heart aches on this day. 
A year ago I told myself not to worry 
because by next year I would be holding 
my sweet baby and telling him or her 
about her brother or sisters in heaven. 
But two years later I still have nothing to show.
 No baby to hold. No child to love. 
Just strengthen, fight, and courage.
My period is due April 17th, 
& 3 days later  I will begin birth control to
 officially start our first IVF cycle. 
We are nervous and scared. 
But more than anything ready. 
Ready to be a family of more than two. 

My last picture pregnant. 12 weeks.
The last picture of our Tiny Baby 8w6d

Our insurance does not cover anything. 
So we will be paying out of pocket for everything. 
If you have any advice or medical companies you know 
where I can purchase medicine at a discount please let me know. 
Thank you so much for your continued love and support. 


Sunday, March 16, 2014


• • •

BFN for round 7 of clomid with TI...

 Back to the drawling board....

Thursday, March 13, 2014

What We Have Been Up To!

So much has happened since the beginning of February 
I feel like it's best to show you in pictures! :) 
Plus lets admit pictures are far more fun than lectures! 
I would try to go in order by date but that would
require a lot of work...
 so we will start with some randoms! 

Hey babe come take a picture with me!! -_-
this is what I got...

I remembered my sunglasses that day...but forgot everything else
3 trips back to the house and I finally made it to work! 

Happy Valentines day! 

Here we go again! Clomid...

Sunday afternoon naps!

When Scott craves ribs we eat ribs!

Auntie Laurie and I at dinner (before the surprise!)

Visiting Scott at work! Yes he works on 3 computers at once!

Ash Wednesday!

Teaching Mia Bott how to drive! 

Surprise #2 Happy Birthday Jillian!

Lego Man!

New rug and pillows! (please dont look at the curtains
I still need to iron them!) 

Could she be any cuter?!

Jillian's surprise birthday dinner!

Scott and Alan!

Confession..I had a chemical peel! (post on that coming soon!)

Why?!...Because bowling is fun!

Scrap bein Scrap

I screwed a wine cork to the wall to hold the damn
dog leash we can never find! 

One of the rooms from our antiquing adventure last weekend

The sun makes the art. 

Because $5 dollar martinis are where its at!

By far the weirdest antiquing experience ever. 

Mia Marie enjoying a Wendy's Burger!
Rays on rays on rays! 

A little free time before jumping back in the truck! 

Seeing beauty through my eyes

Road trip sunset

Peyton finally warming up to me! 

A night of dancing! 

Wishing Tuesday was Friday

Totesmagoats Hahahah! 

The sun was shinning all the way to the very end!

Jillian Leigh a little pregame at Jenn's before Dancing the night away! 

Because bowling is fun!

Mia's Love for lipstick grows more and more with every visit to Aunt Chele

"The Driver" 

Raise Your Brush! Paint and Wine night! 

enjoying a little Hooka *(flavored tobacco) 

Jillian's "Are we there yet" face!

We had so much fun while she was home!
I think it was one of her best trips yet!
I'm kinda of in shock that it's already the middle of March!
as for my TTC update.. I am 14dpo and took my last
(-) hpt at 12dpo.. I haven't been out to get more simply
because I don't feel pregnant. I feel like AF is right around
the corner -_- I'll keep you posted on what happens.
But there is no getting your hopes up around here.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Even My Cat...

Warning. This post may be sad and graphic. 

A week ago Scrap our adorable kitty 
was having a very off morning. 
She is usually right by my side the moment 
she hears my feet hit the floor. 
But that morning she didn't come.. 
I called for her a few times before she finally came
waddling up the stairs into the kitchen. 
She was moving very slow and looked very tired. 
I started breakfast and went about my morning routine
when I noticed that she was bleeding. 
I tried to remain calm and figure out where she was bleeding from. 
I had a slight suspicion a few days prior that she may be pregnant.
When I realized where the blood was coming from I started to panic. 
I ran back to the bathroom and yelled to Scott 
that I thought Scrap was having a miscarriage. 
I didn't really believe what I was saying 
but my gut just knew. 
I ran back out to find her moving all over the kitchen 
trying to get comfortable. 
I ran to the garage to get her "house" 
that we put outside for her on days she just 
doesn't want to come home at the exact moment we call for her. 
By the time I was headed back up the stairs she was sitting at the top
starring at me as if she was saying back off!
I took a step toward her and she let out the loudest 
most awful cry and ran back to the kitchen. 
She had her first baby right infront of the fridge. 
instead of doing what cats are supposed to do 
she took off running for the basement. 
Thank god I had stumbled upon Kitten birth youtube videos 
a few weeks prior...Dont ask I dont know how I ended up there
but it was like a train wreck.. and thank god I watched. 
When cats don't do what they are supposed to you have to do it for them.
This is when bad turned to worse. 
I carefully ripped the tiny sac open so the kitten could breath
I cleaned it off and put a towel under it to keep it warm 
while I ran to find Scrap. She was supposed to remove the placenta 
and I was determined to make her at least try. 
When I got her back upstairs she had no interest in the kitten 
who was very very premature. 
Being that it was the first of any animal I've ever seen 
give birth I hadn't quite grasped the concept that it was way to early for this 
tiny kitten to survive.  
I ended up cutting the sac off myself and cleaning the kitten with warm towels
I moved scrap into the bathroom because she was still bleeding 
and I had a feeling there were more kittens coming. 
(Scott was right there with me the whole time coaching me along) 
A few minutes after I moved into the bathroom 
with Scrap and the first Kitten who had sadly stopped breathing
she had another one on the way out. 
This one she was instantly cleaning and doing what she 
was meant to do. So I left the room and let her do what she needed 
to do hoping that this one would survive. 
When I came back in a few minutes later the kitten lay lifeless next to her 
Scrap was still bleeding and pacing in circles 
about a half hour later she delivered her third kitten 
which just like the first two only lived for a few minutes. 
I tried keeping them all warm even rubbing them 
and swaying them like the web told me too. 
But nothing worked. 
I couldnt help but sob for my poor Scrap cat. 
I know the pain far too well of losing a baby. 
She was very close to me for the next hour I just held 
her and pet her softly telling her it wasn't her fault. 
I know it may sound silly and that she is just a cat.
But she knew & I could sense her sadness. 
Scott arrived home for lunch a short while later 
and helped me clean up, then dug a hole in the yard 
while I wrapped the tiny kittens up. 
We buried them in the back yard and said a little prayer. 

The rest of the day I must have told 6 people 
how ironic it is that my cat cant even have a normal pregnancy. 
It seems like I am always the one 
delivering the babies and never the one having the babies. 

I wonder why god decided to make me the deliverer of 
all the babies around me, yet keeps me from baring any of my own?

If your wondering why Scrap wasn't fixed it was because we found 
her as a tiny kitten herself, she had her first heat in January 
and we planned to take her after that. 
But I was having a very hard time 
making the decision to take her fertility away from her. 
I feel like someone has taken mine away from me 
and it's the worst feeling in the world. 
Why not let her have at least one litter before taking hers 
away from her.. 

She is doing fine now, She is much closer to me
she cuddles more often and walks a little softer. 
I think in time she will be back to her playful self 
but she needs time to heal. 
Just like anyone who suffers a loss. 
Human or Animal. 

Monday, February 24, 2014


Ever since my Jillian Leigh joined the Air Force 
we have been randomly surprising each other with visits! 
This past weekend my aunt and my mom 
were headed down to Alabama to meet Jillian and her girls 
and drive them back home to Ohio for the week. 
It was a short weekend trip so I decided to go with them and surprise her!! 
This is a short clip of the hidden camera video we got of 
the official surprise!


Monday, February 17, 2014

CD5 Clomid Round 7

Its CD5! 
and the start of my 7th round of clomid. 
My rounds have been pretty well spaced out, 
my first 3 were in 2012 
last three we did started around March of last year. 
Lets hope this one works! 

Come on Lucky number 7!!! 


have a great week! 

Friday, February 7, 2014

Two Years...

It's hard for me to believe 
that it has been two years to this day 
that we found out were were pregnant for the third time. 
I remember every single moment about that day. 
The excitement I felt as I realized 
I was officially "late"
I tip toed to the hall closet 
grabbed an ept and crept back 
to the bathroom. 
I remember setting the test on the counter,
sitting down on the toilet and 
tapping my foot with anxiety..
I kept track of the time with my phone 
exactly at the three minute mark 
I jumped up and grabbed the test. 
It was positive. 
I was in shock. 
I stood still for what seemed like and eternity. 
I didn't know what to do next. 
I had a little while before I had to wake Scott
for work, but I was bursting with excitement 
and rushed in to tell him. 
I sat down on the bed and shook him lightly.
"Babe, Babe!" 
"It worked!" 
"I'm Pregnant" 
The two words I had longed to say to him. 
I had just said. 
His eyes welled with tears as he hugged me tightly. 
I made it to the shower before 
I began to sob. 
Uncontrollable sobs of joy. 
I thanked God over and over. 
I had planned on keeping it from my parents. 
Just for a day or so until I could come up 
with some cute way to tell them. 
But the excitement was too intense to hold in! 
I ran and got blood work that morning, 
It was 8am & I was the first one at the lab!  
and got the results very early that afternoon
then Scott and I met my parents for lunch 
at our favorite Sushi restaurant. 
My dad arrived first and he could tell 
I had something to share! 
I showed him the test and told him 
when Mom arrived I would text her a picture 
Once she arrived I sent 3 texts in a row..
Not once did she glance down at her phone! 
I finally had to tell her to check her messages..
She didn't quite understand 
what she was looking at, at first
then she said, "What's This?"  
More sobbing around the table 
as we celebrated the life 
we had longed to create. 
The rest of the night Scott and I spent talking 
about the future... 
It was one of the best days of our lives. 
I will forever remember that day. 
♥  2.7.12  ♥